So I have done it. Reached rock bottom. I cannot stop crying. I hardly slept last night. I seemed to look at the clock every single hour. I feel so bad. I am a horrible person and I don’t deserve to live. I am one big fuck up. A disappointment. I am struggling to go on. I really am. I feel like I need to punish myself. Hurt myself. I am glad that I am hurting. My muscles are all sore. My neck feels like its been slit. I don’t know why. How can someone get sore neck muscles at the front of their neck?!
I want to slice myself up. Cut the shit out of my arms and legs. And my stomach. I don’t want to live anymore. I honestly feel like I deserve to die. I don’t deserve to live. I have hurt my fiance and friends too many times. They would all be better off without me. Everyone would be. No more putting up with my shit. My extreme moods. Not being able to control myself.
FUCK YOU BIPOLAR. I FUCKING HATE YOU. YOU HAVE FUCKED UP MY LIFE. I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE. I CAN’T. I HAVE FUCKED EVERYTHING UP. IT’S ALL MY FAULT. FUCK YOU MENTAL ILLNESS. FUCK YOU. FUCK EVERYTHING. I’m sorry.
