Struggling to survive 2011

I feel so messed up since the weekend. I have hit a massive brick wall. I haven’t been able to sleep at night. Haven’t been able to go to work. Have no appetite to eat so haven’t been hardly eating. And I have been crying. So damn much. For hours. I just don’t seem to be able to stop.
I just talked to Jezza on Facebook chat and I cried through the whole conversation. And he wasn’t being mean or angry or anything. He was really good about it all. It was nice to be able to talk to him about it and a bit about how I am feeling.
I have had a few people that know me quite well tell me now that they can tell that I’m not ok. And they are right. I’m not. I am hurting myself. I am struggling to keep myself safe. I’m getting extreme anxiety and having panic attacks. My fiancé had to give me Valium last night to calm me down and help me sleep.
I can’t drag myself up in the mornings. Instead I lay in bed staring at the roof. Or with my head buried in my pillow, sobbing. I end up at the stage where I can hardly breath. I feel horrible. But I am also glad. Because after the weekend this is what I deserve. I need to learn my lesson. So as long as I keep feeling bad, the rawer it is. I’m not going to forget how I felt afterwards anytime soon. And that’s a good thing.
I am seriously considering checking myself into psych services. Even though the thought of it scares the shit out of me, I think it may be time. Once again I feel I have reached rock bottom. But this time seems to be worse. And I don’t seem to be able to claw myself out this time. I need help.